The Connection Between Emotional and Physical Pain

I have lived with pain for as long as I can remember. Some of it came from the trauma of being physically abused by a stepfather, and some from physical conditions like scoliosis and eventually a spinal fusion. But beyond the structural damage and constant discomfort, what I discovered over the years is that my emotions and life experiences are deeply tied to my physical pain.

For most of my life, the pain has shown up in my lower body, from my hips down through my knees, ankles, and feet. Looking back, I can see how this was connected to the emotional struggles I faced as a single mother raising two children. Every day was about survival: keeping a roof over our heads, food on the table, and trying to provide stability when I often felt anything but stable inside.

The Symbolism of the Hips and Moving Forward

It may sound strange, but I’ve learned that different areas of the body often mirror what’s happening emotionally. The hips, for example, are tied to our ability to move forward in life. When we feel stuck, burdened, or unable to step into our potential, hip pain often follows. For me, the weight of responsibility, the sense of lack, and the endless challenges made me feel unable to move forward freely, and my hips reflected that struggle.

As the pain spread into my knees and ankles, it became clear that the theme was the same: difficulty walking forward in my own life. These weren’t just random aches. They were signals from my body pointing to emotional blocks and unresolved issues.

How Family Dynamics Trigger Pain

Even now, I notice this pattern repeating. For example, when my granddaughter struggles with her own life choices, hiding behind addictive games, sleeping away the day, avoiding adult responsibilities, it stirs up emotions in me. I find myself stepping in, worrying, and getting angry, which is not my natural character. This stress pulls me back into old patterns of over-responsibility, and soon after, the familiar pain in my hips and legs returns.

It’s as if my body is saying, “You’re stuck again. You’re carrying what isn’t yours to carry.”

The Weight of Love: How My Son's Pain Became My Own

When my son passed away, the grief hit me harder than anything I’d ever felt. Almost immediately, I began to have a terrible pain in my hip, even more so than what soreness or aches I have already expressed, so bad that I could barely walk. At first, I thought it was just physical, something I must have done to injure myself. But deep down, I knew there was something more.

One night, as I sat quietly in my pain, I realized it wasn’t mine at all. I could feel that it was my son’s pain. In that moment, I said out loud, “Nicky, I will take your pain to make it easier for you to go home.”

From that point on, the pain never truly left me. I went to physical therapy, had shots, and did everything the doctors recommended, but the ache stayed. It was excruciating for months after, I still deal with hip pain and stiffness from time to time.

Over the years, I’ve come to understand that this was my body’s way of processing the depth of my love and grief. Sometimes, our emotional pain settles into the body as a message, one that reminds us that love is powerful enough to transcend even death.

Healing Through Authentic Movement Forward

But there’s another side to this story. When I focus on my own authentic path, when I teach, life coach, or help others move forward in their journeys, the pain eases. In those moments, I feel free, aligned, and un-trapped. My body responds to that sense of emotional release by loosening its grip on pain.

For me, healing has become about more than just managing symptoms. It’s about listening to the messages my body sends and understanding how emotional burdens and physical pain are woven together. When I honor my authentic self and allow myself to move forward, both emotionally and spiritually, I find more freedom, not just in my heart, but in my body as well.